Posts tagged funny
Some things make you proud to be British.
This isn’t one of them. Here a generic bunch of underclass yoofs demonstrate the downside of the influx of cheap scooters to these shores in recent years, and in the process provide a stark reminder of the reasons that children’s play equipment and internal combustion engines are rarely put together.
While there is a certain amount of schadenfreude whenever an idiot gets his just desserts, I think I’ll simply point out that I am not aware of any scooter insurance policies that offer cover for this sort of use…
After a stunning April of hot weather and high pollen counts, it was soon May…….I had been hoping for much of the same as we packed the car up and headed to the Peterborough BMF.
We like red
These clips demonstrate why, in this country at least, we have not only CBT, but also require people to take a proper test when they want to ride something a bit bigger than a moped.
Most churches don’t have any problem with bikers, even big hairy ones can find a welcome in many congregations, as Bikers for Jesus will tell you, if you can persuade them to stop sharing the gospel for a second.
Having said that, it might be a good idea to leave your bike in the car park…
29-year-old Croatian Ante Djindjic is recovering in hospital after sustaining injuries including being knocked out and burned on his chest and arms from being struck by lightning.
Djindjic had stopped his motorbike and was urinating beside the road when he was hit. His feet were insulated by his rubber boots causing the lighting to go to earth via his penis.
Ananova quote Djindic as saying:
“I don’t remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital. Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually,”
The Italian press report that his penis acted as a lightning rod, conducting the energy of the lightning bolt to earth and probably saving poor Ante from more severe injuries.
So next time you stop for a leak under gathering clouds, think about whether perhaps you could hold out to the next services after all!
On the night of 20/06/2007, a quiz night was held in the grounds of Flux. It was a prestigious event in which at least 20 teams of around 4-5 members competed against each other in a battle of general knowledge.
Bikesure staff were involved in three different teams but there was one team which really did show their true worth, my team. The Arsehole of Flux. There was a bit of drama right at the last minute before the event. Two of our members dropped out Charlie and Faye (quite clearly not team players). Thankfully two other members from the bikesure team stepped up to the plate. Richard “The Horn” Rowsell and Ros “The Horn’s Missus” Hindry. So the dream team consisted me, the Captain Kyle “Minty McMint” Benefer, Grant “Cheese on Toast” Varnham, “Ginger” Jon Mellish, and the pre mentioned Richard and Ros.
So the scene is set, the dream team is at full strength. We had a combined general knowledge similar to a small principality so things were looking good. We strolled into the quiz marquee, almost reminiscent of the Reservoir Dogs scene, apart from the guns and the blood stained shirts. They weren’t needed on this occasion.
As we all settled down to begin the quiz, the tension was slowly increasing to boiling point. Quiz master Paul Twite was getting the punters going by banging out a usual set of poor jokes based around extracting the urine from some of the better known staff members. Then it came, the moment of truth, the first round. There were six rounds all consisting of twleve questions. Each team was given a “joker” which gave you double points for the one round you decided to play it in.
The first round was on music. A lot of teams played their joker in this round. The Arsehole of Flux held back the temptation to play their joker here, and some would say it was a wise choice. This round came and went and from memory we got 10/12 questions right, so a good solid start.
The second and third rounds passed, and there was an update on the standings, we were sitting pretty in joint third place. There was a very positive attitude in team, happy with our progress so far. We all would have been pleased with a podium finish. We were then handed a bonus round, which consisted of recognising lyrics from certain songs. We done ok in this round about 9/12.
Now for the fifth round, the forth round wasn’t very important. We played our Joker in this round, the subject was tv and film. We played a blinder. All twelve questions right, and as we played the joker in this round we got 24 points for the round. This bumped us up into the top two. What a result!
The final round was in the style of “Guess The Intro”. We got 11/12, the only one we didn’t get was 2000 miles by The Pretenders. What a rubbish song, never liked it anyway. Chrissie Hynde gets on my nerves as well.
And that was it. The end of the final round, just left the totting up of each teams points and for the final standings to be revealed. The results were read out in reverse order, and the general idea from our table was a top 5 finish would be a good result. So when it got to the top three and our name had still not been mentioned we thought that third was excelent, but to our surprise still no Arsehole of Flux, we just assumed that we had missed our name further down the list. What was even more surprising is that were in joint first place. If only we got the 2000 miles question right, I hate Chrissie Hynde so much.
So to settle things there was tiebreaker question. The all important question was “According to Ask.com, how many islands are there in the Maldives?”. The nearest answer would win. Of course an island in the Maldives consists of and lump of sand protruding out of the sea. my first thought was there can’t be more than a hundred or so. No one else had any other bright ideas and so went for the answer of 130. The other team involved guessed at 2000. No one had a clue who was right, but it wasn’t us. The answer was 1300. Gutted we were just one zero out from the right answer.
We went out gallant runners up. Still got £20 each in prize money, so not all bad.
A biker (probably from Harleys of God) was riding on a highway along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said:
“Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The biker pulled over and said: “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want”.
The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required would reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
Here’s some reassurance that it’s not just bikers who would benefit from advanced skills training.
And another demonstration of why it’s a good idea to get quad insurance.
If you thought the slogans on the bikes were funny, wait till you read the owners manual, like the one that comes with the Qingqi scooter (and yes that really is pronounced “kinky”!)
The opening sentences give you a flavour of what’s to come:
Read the rest of the manual at the Chinglish Files. And if you’ve got a Qingqi scooter, or any chinese import motorcycle, remember that Bikesure can give you a Chinese Scooter Insurance Quote, even if no-one else has heard of it.