Posts tagged chinese scooter
Best of British
Oct 21st
Some things make you proud to be British.
This isn’t one of them. Here a generic bunch of underclass yoofs demonstrate the downside of the influx of cheap scooters to these shores in recent years, and in the process provide a stark reminder of the reasons that children’s play equipment and internal combustion engines are rarely put together.
While there is a certain amount of schadenfreude whenever an idiot gets his just desserts, I think I’ll simply point out that I am not aware of any scooter insurance policies that offer cover for this sort of use…
Bikesure FC
Sep 5th
And you thought we just sit on our backsides all day……..and you would be right but hang on….
After narrowly missing out on the signature of Robinho it was business as usual for Bikesure FC!
Bikesure F.C was formed last year due to the fact there was nothing else to do on a Thursday evening but drink ( which isnt a bad thing ). We meet every Thusday evening at the local astro turf and attempt to pass ourselves off as footballers for an hour.
So if theres anyone out there who wants to take on the might and power of Bikesure FC, kindly bugger off because were rubbish!!!
Meet the team
Kyle “Minty” Benefer – like Hayley’s comet, can be seen passing once every 75 years
Dean “Egg” Twiddy – passing to him is like kicking it against a brick wall, could go anywhere
John “Turbo” Mellish – Faster then Usain Bolt over 100 metres – fact!
Pete “Zilla” Sanctuary – one of those annoying blokes who is good at everything!
Matthew “soppy b***ocks” Sopp – can often be seen shouting the odd swear word at his team, apparently for encouragement!
Phil “philski” Owen – more tricks up his sleeve then Paul Daniels – that’s magic!
Grant “welsh wizard” Varnham – lob me a ball from 70 yards and i’ll slot it home, pass it to me in front of an open goal and over the bar it goes!
Richard “the horn” Rowsell – started off looking like Mr Tickle, now more like Mr tackle ( granted that does sound a bit odd )
Jason ” the fridge ” Masters – big bloke, rubbish centre of gravity….goes down more than……..um………..um…………..Reading.
Tom ” Cassius ” Clay – that one player in your team that thinks he has the tricks then always falls on his arse – to the great pleasure of the rest of the team!
Adam ” Holbinho ” Hollinger – seems to be absolutely fascinated by his feet, always starring at them, even when he passes
Harry ” Sports Bra ” O’Donnell – imagine watching a Linford Christie’s lunch box running the 100 metres, now imagine him with man boobs…….Harry!
Rob ” Chopper ” Balls – hell of a right foot ping on him, unfortunately hell of a nack of tackling……even without the ball being anywhere near him….amazing!
Duncan ” Liability ” Garrick – often gets voted the man of the match…….for the opposing team!
Kevin “big man ” Lee – frustrated striker, the bloke is 7 foot tall but has a head like a 50p – when he pulls back for a strike, the force can be felt as far as Luton.
Bikesure Staff do CBT
Jun 18th
Unlike many bike insurance companies, many of our staff are enthusiastic bikers, who like nothing more than a good ride out and are far happier on two wheels than four. So when we hire staff who aren’t already bikers, we feel we have to do our bit and help them get bitten by the biking bug, too.
So, as well as their exhaustive insurance and underwriting training, which lasts several months, we round up all the trainee staff who aren’t already into bikes, and send them off to do their Compulsory Basic Training (CBT).
As you can imagine, letting a bunch of novices loose on a bike often has hilarious consequences, so we got the latest batch of victims recruits to record their experiences for posterity. Here is Richard’s diary, we’ll have more in due course:
CBT: Richard Rowsell
The day was 14th June 2007 when I took my CBT…
The phrase that I repeated most during this experience would be “oh cock”, let me explain.
On the morning of the 14th I called M.I.C.K.S (Riding School – apparently it’s supposed to stand for Motorcycle Instruction Course Keep Safe, but since it’s run by a guy called Mick, we’re guessing he was a C.Hi.P.S. fan) to see if there are any spaces, I found that there was an opening later that day at 13:15.
13:05 – Arrived at M.I.C.K.S
13:20 – Given brief about what we will be doing and reassured that all will be ok and have fun
13:40 – Taken to the off road area to try out the bikes, completed the moving off and stopping section. We were allowed to go down a track and back that I did several times at high speed with no problems. Here comes the first “oh cock”… I went down a part with loose stones and turned around, I moved off and changed up the gears but missed a gear change and massively over revved causing me to think “oh cock, this isn’t good” so I grabbed the front brake and due to the big stones we were on, buried the bike into the floor. I continued forward but luckily kept upright, leaving the bike in a cloud of dust.
// Damage Report – Electrics OK – Foot peg Bent – Gear Lever is now at new Snazzy Angle – Front Left Indicator is Hanging Off – Front Light at Funny Angle \\
14:30 – Taken back to base where lots of Gaffer Tape was the order of the day… followed by several minutes of bending the gear lever into a less interesting position
14:50 – Said to Julie (An instructor) “I may have dropped the bike” Got told, “you’re not a biker as you have to crash 3 times to earn the title of biker”
Sulked for 20 minutes…
15:10 – Taken out on road on recently repaired (if Gaffer tape counts) bike, although the gear lever is still at a funny angle
15:15 – First junction, buggered up clutch and pulled a mini wheelie!
15:40 – 60mph side road, getting overtaken by massive lorries. This is scary as hell, as my mirrors don’t even show anything behind me, as they are rubbish {we are going at 35mph}
15:55 – Radio contact is lost!
16:00 – Car overtakes me and cuts me off from the group so I cannot see the instructor and he cannot see me
16:46 – Other pupil in front of me stalls the bike on a big junction, the instructor is the other side of the road
17:25 – QE Hospital roundabout – Instructor goes straight on, other pupil goes round the whole roundabout! “oh cock” I know to go straight on but follow to keep her company just in case she panicked.
17:40 – CBT COMPLETED
Thanks goes to Rob “the Bossman” Balls for the opportunity to do this.
More Chinese Scooter Translations
Apr 11th
If you thought the slogans on the bikes were funny, wait till you read the owners manual, like the one that comes with the Qingqi scooter (and yes that really is pronounced “kinky”!)
The opening sentences give you a flavour of what’s to come:
Read the rest of the manual at the Chinglish Files. And if you’ve got a Qingqi scooter, or any chinese import motorcycle, remember that Bikesure can give you a Chinese Scooter Insurance Quote, even if no-one else has heard of it.
Chinese Scooter madness
Feb 14th
There have been a plethora of new makes and models of moped and scooter in recent years, the vast majority from China. In fact the influx is so rapid that many motorcycle insurance companies are unable to keep up, as the bikes often aren’t listed in the UK lists of make and model that are usually used to calculate your insurance premium.
Bikesure doesn’t work like that. Our long experience with insuring custom bikes, trikes and rare classics means we quote for each and every bike on its own individual merits. This means we are one of the few companies able to cover every road-legal model of scooter, no matter how unusual or new to the market. So give us a try for Chinese Scooter Insurance.
Now if only someone could do something about the “Chinglish” slogans that the manufacturers write on their bikes…
“Shen Yang – The New Generational Scooter Fron Earth”
“No One In the World Can Be My Best Partner Except the Dio – New Generation”